Confidence doesn’t come naturally, even though you might think it does with some people. Confidence is actually a skill. Some people have better starts, they learn skills from a younger age, some people have functional childhoods without trauma, and some of us don’t. The point is, we’re all different, so it’s extremely pointless comparing yourself to others. The good news is that because confidence is a skill, it means that anyone can learn it. So, if you’re struggling with confidence, let me take you on a 5 step journey and show you how to beat those hang up’s.
1. Low self-esteem is something we all struggle with
A lack of confidence happens to the best of us, so remember the next time you feel like you are lacking in confidence, it’s not just you. It happens to the majority of people at one point or another. Sometimes even the most confident people aren’t really feeling confident, they just seem like they are. If you’ve ever heard the phrase “fake it until you make it,” it’s actually an incredibly well used technique.
Low self-esteem is something that can effect all of us at any point in our lives, however there are some basic techniques that we can use to overcome moments when we feel like we are lacking. Smiling for example, can ease the tension. By simply practice smiling everyday, you can use this basic practice the next time you feel uncomfortable in a situation. Smiling also releases endorphins (the happy hormone) so it’s certainly worth a try.
The next time you feel worried, try smiling and see if it makes a difference. There are many simple techniques out there that don’t even involve talking, which you can use as a trick to appear confident, even when you’re not. Another one is talking first in a meeting, or being the first to introduce yourself.
Persistent low-self esteem however, really needs treatment as it could stem from an anxiety disorder for example. Did you know that having an issue with low self-esteem can actually make people dislike you, not trust you and even exclude you? Low self-esteem can lead to negative thinking, isolation and bad hygiene etc. However, thankfully there is something you can do about it, such as CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) a kind of therapy that addresses negative thought patterns. If your mental health is suffering, you can get help by visiting a GP.
Confidence is a skill that you can improve and work on each day. Life will continue to improve and get a little better each day as you work on the little skills and techniques you chose to implement. Small steps each day can lead to a big change.
2. Heal Your Past Trauma
Trauma is really detrimental to our personal growth and development. Did you know that children who experience trauma, are actually affected by the brain being unable to develop properly. It’s no wonder then, that so many adults don’t develop healthy social skills.
Of course, trauma effects us all differently. What one person finds traumatic, another might not, however, this doesn’t mean it has any less effect on that person. Trauma can also happen at anytime in a persons life and have a profound effect, so it’s useful to treat trauma when you can with therapy.
Some easy techniques to use at home are night time meditation sessions or hypnotherapy. I like limitless hypnotherapy, a selection of guided meditations and E-books to listen to in the comfort of your own home. Another great technique to use are positive affirmations. You can use these is a variety of ways to build your confidence.
3. Understand Your Bad Thinking Habits
Are you your own worst enemy? Do you often say awful things to yourself? Well you need to address these thoughts. Often a lack of confidence stems from how we think about ourselves. If you persistently have moments where you feel a sudden lack of confidence, make a mental note of what you are thinking during this time.
A great technique that you can use is actually journaling. Write down how you felt that day and what you were thinking. Once you’ve discovered anything negative, challenge those thoughts with positive thinking. You don’t have to be you’re own worst enemy, you can actually be your own best friend.
‘You are enough, you deserve to be happy, your life is for you and no one else can live it.’
Another common method is called grounding. This is where you reduce your anxiety by grounding yourself. This can be done in a variety of ways. The most used practice is deep breathing, or drinking water. Another powerful way is actually to use scents. I like this revitalising mist in rose. It comes in a handy bottle that’s suitable to take with you. Simply spray on for a floral pick me up.
4. Push Yourself out of Your Comfort Zone
We all go through that awkward teenage stage, but that doesn’t mean we have to stay in it for the rest of our lives. So remember this, the next time you feel too frightened to try something new. The truth is we grow by pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone. While it may feel uncomfortable, unless you want to stay an awkward teenager for the rest of your life, then this is how you do it.
If you really struggle with an anxiety disorder, and this is what holds you back from experiencing new things, then I have to recommend CBD. Having an anxiety disorder personally, CBD gave me the relief from the constant state of anxiety I was in. It did so just enough for me, to be able to push myself out of my comfort zone. There are a huge range of products available out there. It’s easy to add a few drops under the tongue each day and it’s a little relief from the constant strain of anxiety.
I like HWB’s CBD, each high potency bottle contains 12,000mg high quality CBD. Blended with coconut oil for a superior absorption. Elevate your health and wellbeing with this anxiety reducing goodness, in one small bottle.
5. Practice Everyday and avoid Old Habits
While it feels easier to stay the same, it’s not advisable if you’re trying to build confidence. Humans are naturally supposed to change, it is human nature to evolve, that is part of what makes being human so enjoyable. Sometimes we might slip up and fall back into old habits, this doesn’t mean we are unable to change in the long run.
If you have a bad day, don’t get down and slip back into negative ways and practice those old habits that keep you stuck. If you truly want to build your confidence remember that we all have bad days.
Learn to listen to your inner critic and challenge it, instead of masking it, running from it or blocking it out with unhealthy substances such as alcohol. While they may offer temporary relief, they tend to make you feel worse in the long run. Natural remedies are much more effective and help to build and maintain confidence over time.
The Result of Confidence
By taking small steps, like the 5 steps outlined above everyday, you can retrain yourself to think positively about who you are. While it might take time, it’s absolutely possible. Go on, wha are yu waiting for, start building your confidence today.
Confidence is a skill that we are all completely capable of having. Sometimes you just have to work a little harder for it. Take your time and enjoy the process. You can choose to heal yourself and learn to love who you are. Believe that you deserve to be confident, because you absolutely do.
I hope you enjoyed my confidence journey, let me know if you’re struggling with a lack of confidence, low self-esteem or if you’ve been through something similar in the comments below.
It’s not easy to change, but it is possible.