When I worked in sales we had a name for people who used to talk to you, with no intention of buying things, we used to call them ‘Neg’s’. These are people who waste your time, deliberately. They try to gain power over the conversation and talk about anything they can to distract you from your purpose. I’ve lost count of how many times I have gotten into conversations with people that I couldn’t get out of, or how much useless information I’ve obtained because I’m too polite to send them on their way. Sound familiar?
I used to get training on how to block out Neg’s, and how to move on because I found it so difficult. I used to wonder why all the Neg’s used to come and talk to me and not everyone else? Over time I started to realise that it was because I was allowing them to keep talking. These people were not being polite to me, in fact they were often very rude and demeaning, disguised behind nice sounding comments. When you really assessed what they were saying to you it was actually quite harsh. Some people view this as being tactful, but in truth they were just negative people trying to bring you down. I realised that the greatest tool you have against negative people is your attention. Simply put, don’t give it to them.
The other day I received an email from a strange chap. Don’t get me wrong, I know there’s a lot of negative people on the internet that like to hide behind a facade but this was different, it was written politely. He asked me why I had a donation button on my website, and why should I expect him to donate. He claimed that he could just as easily ask for a donation for him to read my writing. When I sat back and thought about what he was saying, it was actually offensive. I was suddenly reminded of my training in sales. It made me think, how many times in life have I met people like this? How many times have I met people that tried to bring me down? He didn’t. He told me to write something that I’m passionate about, which is all I do, so he clearly hadn’t read anything I’d written. It got me thinking though about how I deal with negativity compared to how I used to. So, here’s how I deal with the Neg’s :
Know Your Worth
If you know what your value is, no one can take that away from you. Sure we all have bad days or things that happen can knock our confidence, like a relationship break up or job loss but ultimately you should know your worth. If you don’t, work on yourself. When I used to lack confidence every negative comment used to crush me, and guess what? There was a lot more negativity in my life because I let in.
Know that there is something wrong with them, not you
Who knows what is going on in their life? Normal people don’t go around trying to put each other down, if they do there is definitely something wrong with them, not you. Strong people lift each other up and help people. Keep thinking positive and you’ll find like minded people.
Take Charge of The Conversation
This is your life, protect your energy. If someone is trying to put you down, don’t let them. Don’t do what I used to do and allow them to keep talking. Tell them to move on. If that doesn’t work take away your greatest power. Your attention. Give your attention to things that deserve you.
Don’t rationalise their behaviour
They aren’t you, they don’t think like you do. They might enjoy conflict, you might not. The point is you’ve got to just keep doing your thing. You keep living your best life and don’t worry about the way others act.
Just keep smiling. Not because it looks good, but because it’s best way to let others see that they can’t get to you. It might be difficult sometimes, occasionally you might have to fake it. Overtime you’ll realise if nothing else, smiling makes you feel good. Why not be the only person that is happy when the rest of the world is not. Be the light and others might follow.
Take a Time Out
Yep, sometimes everything else fails. Take a break instead. Don’t respond, or give into anger. Just remove yourself from a situation and protect your dignity. We’re all only human after all. You’ll get your positivity back. They won’t. You’ll be happy again. They won’t.
Finally, I just wanted to add that there is a donation’s button on my website for the amount of five pounds, I don’t expect anyone to donate. Your like or follow is just as important, if not more so. It shines a light on what content you like, or what you want to see. Instead I believe in positivity. I believe good energy finds good energy. I am writing about my life, heart and my belief’s. If you choose to donate cool, if not that’s cool too. I’m not writing for profit, but to find others to connect with that share my energy.