I’m feeling the frosty cold this morning. I’m waiting for the snow. I can’t wait to hear that crunch of my boots on the soft white ground.
I want to see my daughters face when she sees snow for the first time. When I look at her beautiful face I see so much of myself in her- So I thought I’d do a little poem on beauty today.
I wanted to talk about the loneliness of beauty because it’s something you don’t hear people talking about to often.
I guess it’s because you’ll get shot down for complaining about beauty when most people spend most of their lives trying to achieve it, or dreaming of it.
Beauty itself is an isolating experience. When people see you as beautiful they’re intimidated by you.
As someone with a soft nature I’ve found the isolation difficult. I suppose because of the way I look I’m supposed to be confident. Except I’m not always, so when people like to take shots, it hurts.
I still stand firm in the belief that those who are awful to us are the ones who need the most love. And I won’t let someone else’s opinion of me turn me into something else.
I’m kind to people because I believe it is the right thing to do. Not because I am weak.
As someone that’s spent their life on the outside. I can assure you that I’ve been lonely my whole life.
Men tell me what I want to hear because of my looks, women befriend me either to destroy my reputation, or steal my partner.
People gossip about me and tell me that I’m a snob because they assume I think I’m better than them (I don’t).
I’m am excluded from female circles and I can’t have a conversation with a man without people presuming I’m flirting with them.
Some women think I sleep around because I’m pretty.
I’ve tasted countless amounts of bitter jealousy, hurtful comments and cold stares, just for existing in a space. (I’ve even been beaten up in a nightclub bathroom by two women for looking pretty).
I have become used to isolation. I have dulled my shine to hide from others and lost my spark for the longest time.
I have let others put me down if it makes them feel better and I have truly self loathed.
I have fell into traps and believed the words of lovers that treated me as a prize.
I have had to develop a soul like Ice to survive. I trust no one, accept myself.
I have learnt that no matter what I do, people will judge me, exclude and gossip about me so why should I hide my sparkle anymore.
I’m frosty for a reason and have developed a tough skin. I have realised that I am the ultimate loner and I love that about myself. I truly don’t need anyone.
I am finally seeing my beauty as a blessing and that is beautiful don’t you think?
The truth is we all have problems, we’re all on the journey of self acceptance.
If you think beauty would fix all of your problems, you’re wrong…
An Aquarius in the Water
An ice Queen you see, because no matter what I do, I’m lonely.
Jealousy is a bitter feat, a blade as cold as ice. I’ll never be like you.
Nor would I want to. I’ll stand alone if I have to. Love is just a knife.
Cruel words to trick me, but all you really see are my looks.
I never get hooked. I’d rather hide away for a hundred days.
Once that shard of ice touched my heart and now I don’t trust a soul.
My body is ice cold. I live on a frozen mid lands. An ethereal plane,
Where I am cursed and blessed to only exist in pain.
A blade cut through my soul and I became split into two.
My kindness falls on deaf ears, my love for others begins to diminish.
Even in love I am lonely. Other women don’t want to know me.
But yet there’s this strength inside of me, I can survive in any state,
I can evaporate and change into water, I am a shape shifter,
I was given this gift because I can handle it, my soul Is crystal clear,
In darkness I disappear, I can use my beauty as a weapon,
In fury my waves lash the rocks, in coldness I turn things into frost,
I can quench your thirst and clean your sins, my beauty you see, it always wins.
Beauty is evil, beauty is pure, your opinions of me don’t matter anymore.
My pearlescent skin shines bright, I will use my beauty as a light.