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As the pandemic rages on and the world keeps on turning, I keep saying to myself how much crazier can it get? It’s pretty much been my motto for the past two years…
But on a serious note, I have seen so many peoples lives crumble, mental health issues escalate, addictions surge and felt the sting of isolation.
But when things start to change the creatives begin to capture it. They choose to showcase the animosity they are experiencing in life. Usually, such sensitive souls, I’ll always admire the way creatives make the best out of the worst situations.
It’s strange to think that the most beautiful artworks have come from such saddened souls, or have sprung from the darkest of situations.
When I was younger I was convinced that my creativity came from my sadness, so much in fact that I used to go out actively looking for trouble to get myself into.
At least that’s what I told myself…
In reality, I think it would be fair to say that I’ve dealt with some unhealthy trauma and developed a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms in the process to deal with it.
I’m not going to deny that I’m experimental. I believe that life should look like a kaleidoscope. Why shouldn’t you try every experience? I suppose I put this into my music.
My album taster called ‘Space Alchemy’ is available to listen to on SoundCloud.
Still, recently I haven’t been myself. Is it any wonder in this crazy time we’re living in? Probably not, but as a creative, I usually thrive in this kind of time and recently I haven’t been. My ability to get creative came to a stop.
I felt worn out, isolated, anxious and intoxicated. My mind began racing like a whirlwind. My relationship crumbled and I had to move house.
It all came like a bolt out of the blue. One day I was holding the pieces of my life together, the next bam! Here I am as a single parent once more, in a new home and area.
I am cut off from the world, just as the world seems to be opening up again. I have shut down emotionally to protect myself and I am feeling numb, or at least I was.
I’m slowly dragging myself up from a sea of confusion. I’m not in despair exactly, most of the time I feel happy, just not emotional and I should be. Recently though it’s coming back to me in small phases, like shimmering shadows and at last bliss! I can write again.
It’s funny to think of this but I’m in a state of flux. Everything around me has changed like some psychedelic trip. I have fallen down the rabbit hole and who knows where I will end up?
I can only presume I will end up in a creative state of imagination with the ever-changing world around me. I really do feel like I’m living in a psychedelic art world.
I have gone within for introspection and to do some shadow work.
It got me thinking though, after sending my photo edits to a friend today, who claimed ‘they look like album covers and artwork,’ maybe that was the creative spark I was waiting for. There has been so much happening recently it’s been hard to focus on anything else.
Perhaps my next album should be called something like the psychedelic art world. If I could capture every changing moment and make that into sound, who knows how’d that sound?
One thing I do know though is that the people around me, the ones I love, my friends, family, acquaintances, old work colleges… everyone on some level is struggling. The whole world is having a kind of slow breakdown.
A sluggish and complicated breakdown of emotions…
If I could change anything, I don’t think I would. Luckily I’ve had enough bad trips to know that everything eventually ends. Sometimes you just have to let go and let things take you where you need to go.
Follow the wind where it blows.
I trust in a divine plan and I trust that I will create my way out of this. In the meantime, though I’ll accept that reality isn’t really what it seems…
A little poem…
Here in the psychedelic art world.
At some point, I got lost,
I drank a lot of whiskeys on the rocks,
I became a space alchemist,
A non-conformist healer,
Caught up with a dopamine dealer,
As a supersonic dope singer,
I became a wandering spirit,
One day, I won’t be here,
I’ll be lost in hypersonic visions,
and multicoloured prisms.
Eternity might be lost
But paradise is not.