When I started this blog, I’d just turned 30 and I decided to write a post about finding confidence within, in the hope I could inspire others, I called it a confident journey into the abyss (you can read here). I talked about my personal journey with low self-esteem and described it as a battle.

My younger self really struggled with shape, size, personality and hidden mirrors within myself, such as exhibitionism- I was brought up to be modest and that ‘showing off’ (i.e. taking selfies, dressing provocatively, even the way I like to dance) was wrong, like many women are, but this didn’t match my big personality at all. In fact, I think I was an ambivert brought up to be an introvert which took me some time to figure out.

I was greatly confused by things such as identity, I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere and my body seemed out of proportion- to me at least. I was told I was beautiful, but I never truly felt it. I was short, curvy and after having a child at 16 I really disliked my body.

But, then I turned 30, and I wrote my post turning 30 is a big deal (you can read that here). That was the start of a huge shift in attitude towards myself because I started to understand just how difficult things are for women as we age.

I’m so glad I started this blog when I did, because I was able to write about my journey with body confidence. I’m a photographer, so a lot of my photography shares my feels. Sometimes art can say more than words.

“Art is a basic human right.”

Efrat Cybulkiewicz

I explored my exhibitionism, body confidence and journey with self-love in posts such as the culture of slut-shaming and Rose of Thorns- some thoughts on anti- feminism. I explore my vision for women.

Love will tear us apart, again

Last night, as a huge storm raged on outside, I was reminded about that night when I turned thirty and I thought about the changes within myself. Little Storm was also the nickname given to me by my father, the night I was born, obviously because I was born during a storm! He used to joke with me and say that was why I was so wild.

I realised that the knowledge of self that I had learned in the past year and a half had dramatically changed me.

I’m not going to lie, I still have bad days, days where I let myself down and act in ways I don’t think is right, days where I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see, but those days are fewer and further in between.

I spend most days, feeling blessed to be myself no matter how wacky, unique or strange I am. I enjoy standing out. I’m one of a kind and my beauty comes from within. What makes me attractive is my confidence and nothing else.

I have been on a tumultuous journey of self-love, littered with doubt and people that have crushed my confidence on the way. I’ve walked a deep and chaotic winding path inwards and have emerged from the other side glowing. I wear trauma like it’s fashionable, darling.

Confidence is all about perception

Turning thirty was a blessing and an adventure that I wouldn’t swap for the world. I have gained knowledge that I used to lack, I have accepted myself truly and I love being me. So this is me, myself and I, being 31 and at my happiest. You know something? Turning 30 wasn’t so bad!

Peace.

Thanks for reading and supporting my vision. I’m working hard to keep my site ad-free and creatively adventurous. Thank you. <3

Please like, share and comment.

Soph.

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