When I started this blog, I’d just turned 30 and I decided to write a post about finding confidence within, in the hope I could inspire others, I called it a confident journey into the abyss (you can read here). I talked about my personal journey with low self-esteem and described it as a battle.

My younger self really struggled with shape, size, personality and hidden mirrors within myself, such as exhibitionism- I was brought up to be modest and that ‘showing off’ (i.e. taking selfies, dressing provocatively, even the way I like to dance) was wrong, like many women are, but this didn’t match my big personality at all. In fact, I think I was an ambivert brought up to be an introvert which took me some time to figure out.

I was greatly confused by things such as identity, I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere and my body seemed out of proportion- to me at least. I was told I was beautiful, but I never truly felt it. I was short, curvy and after having a child at 16 I really disliked my body.

But, then I turned 30, and I wrote my post turning 30 is a big deal (you can read that here). That was the start of a huge shift in attitude towards myself because I started to understand just how difficult things are for women as we age.

I’m so glad I started this blog when I did, because I was able to write about my journey with body confidence. I’m a photographer, so a lot of my photography shares my feels. Sometimes art can say more than words.

“Art is a basic human right.”

Efrat Cybulkiewicz

I explored my exhibitionism, body confidence and journey with self-love in posts such as the culture of slut-shaming and Rose of Thorns- some thoughts on anti- feminism. I explore my vision for women.

Love will tear us apart, again

Last night, as a huge storm raged on outside, I was reminded about that night when I turned thirty and I thought about the changes within myself. Little Storm was also the nickname given to me by my father, the night I was born, obviously because I was born during a storm! He used to joke with me and say that was why I was so wild.

I realised that the knowledge of self that I had learned in the past year and a half had dramatically changed me.

I’m not going to lie, I still have bad days, days where I let myself down and act in ways I don’t think is right, days where I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see, but those days are fewer and further in between.

I spend most days, feeling blessed to be myself no matter how wacky, unique or strange I am. I enjoy standing out. I’m one of a kind and my beauty comes from within. What makes me attractive is my confidence and nothing else.

I have been on a tumultuous journey of self-love, littered with doubt and people that have crushed my confidence on the way. I’ve walked a deep and chaotic winding path inwards and have emerged from the other side glowing. I wear trauma like it’s fashionable, darling.

Confidence is all about perception

Turning thirty was a blessing and an adventure that I wouldn’t swap for the world. I have gained knowledge that I used to lack, I have accepted myself truly and I love being me. So this is me, myself and I, being 31 and at my happiest. You know something? Turning 30 wasn’t so bad!


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