Single Mothers are not Monsters

I wrote a poem today about being a single mother. I’m not sure why but it’s been mulling in my mind for quite some time and it’s been a while since I shared a poem on this blog.

I shared my story about becoming a mother at sixteen last year, and I was a single parent for ten years so it’s something I know a lot about. One of the hardest things I went through this year was becoming a single parent again, except this time I had two children (to different fathers).

I went through emotional turmoil, it was difficult. I went through a range of emotions, anger, resentment, mourning, bitterness, anger again. It was like a tidal wave of emotion and it was uncomfortable, to say the least.

I’m not great at dealing with emotions so I really struggled to get through it. I can’t even begin to explain how disappointed I felt. While I love being a mother and my children dearly, the realisation that I now had to go through this situation again was dizzying and frustrating. Luckily, I like to create, so I put my emotions into my creativity and my blog.

While my creativity has been an amazing outlet for dealing with how I am feeling, my ability to create has been stifled at times. That sudden swelling of emotions consumed me and made me feel completely lost. Everything I’d spent planning for five years was gone in an instant and my daughter’s future suddenly seemed unsure and chaotic.

And the anger that came my way, was devastating. Anger from my ex-partner for giving up on our relationship, anger from his family and even acquaintances that judged my decision instead of supporting me. In truth, I know they weren’t real friends, they judged because they didn’t understand, but it was the most awful experience without all of their unhelpful comments on top of it.

Becoming a single parent the second time was considerably worse than the first time, and far worse than I remembered it. I was almost shocked by the anger I faced. It was like society had completely changed. I was suddenly being persecuted for making the hardest decision of my life.

Of course, I did it for myself, but my children also. I’ve written a whole host of posts on emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse and healing where I touched on subjects I’d been experiencing, but in all honesty what started it all was a book that I was asked to review on this blog, called ‘healing from the shame you don’t deserve’ by Beverly Engel

It was actually my first piece of requested work and the book was so powerful it actually changed my life (yes, I would recommend it). If it wasn’t for this blog I’d still be stuck in that toxic cycle that made me totally miserable. It’s funny how things work out sometimes, isn’t it?

I still have days where I feel emptiness and sadness but those moments are fleeting now. I know that becoming a single mother again was the right choice, but it was a tough choice and it took all my strength to do it.

I wanted to write a poem that reflected the strength it takes to become a single parent because believe me it does. If you’re in a similar situation at the moment and you feel like the world is against you, just know that you are brave.

Anyway, thankfully I am not single any longer and I have some optimism back as I approach Christmas (thoughts on Omicron aside). Still, that unbearable pain I have felt, I thought deserved a poem.

I wanted to share this today because I know how difficult it is to leave an abusive relationship. It takes courage. It took almost a year for me to get a restraining order, but now I finally have peace. I know that during my darkest times, I would read women’s stories online of leaving abusive relationships and it would give me so much hope.

If you’re in a similar situation, just know that things will get better. You absolutely can leave, no matter how difficult they make it and things will get better. If there’s one lesson I’ve learned in life, it’s to not listen to the opinion of others. Your safety and children should always come first.

There’s a Monster in my Closet

Sometimes, I’m not really that glamorous,

I’m just a mum that left all the parties behind,

I’ve met many people who were really unkind,

On most days I’m totally chill, but then,

The washer breaks and I reach my fucking limit,

And then I’m totally exhausted once again,

I am ambitious, but I’m broken most mornings,

I wake up yawning, to see the dawn in and I’m freezing,

Sometimes, I wonder if life has any meaning,

But I don’t want your pity, no, not at all,

I’ve got a monster in my closet, you see,

It’s blue and green and it looks after me,

I don’t ask for your help and don’t worry I’ll cope,

I’ve been a single mother for all of my adult life,

And I trusted in people who sold me a dream,

They showed me the meaning of screaming,

Into my pillow at night, it probably gave my kids,

A terrible fright, I don’t ask for much,

Just simply understand, I was much better off

Without that damn man, he yelled and shouted,

Then he’d punch the walls and at the front door,

While telling me I didn’t deserve him anymore,

Sometimes he’d get lost for days, that’s when

The monster in my closet would come out to play,

I might just be a single parent who doesn’t have much,

But I’m proud that I’ve done what I can with minimal help,

I’ve faced lots of judgements, not all of them fair,

I’ve been slapped in the face more times than I can say,

and I’ve learned to never rely on others,

they just let you down, I’m tougher than you,

Haven’t you worked that one out yet?

Or is it the monster in my closet? He’s raring to go,

Maybe he scares you and that’s why you judge?

One day, I might meet someone who understands,

Who changes my mind and shows me that,

There are people out there who are still really kind,

The kindness you’ve shown me won’t be forgotten,

A single mother will never forget that feeling,

I might not be everybody’s cup of tea,

But that doesn’t give you the right to judge me.

Thanks for reading,

Soph.

12 thoughts on “Single Mothers are not Monsters

  1. Amazing and empowering poem. I love how you share your thoughts and feelings so vividly.

    Wishing you the best, you’re a lot stronger than a lot of people I know ⭐️

  2. Such a powerful poem! And thank you for sharing your story. It will definitely help other people in a similar situation.

    You are am amazing mother for making the correct decision for you and your children.

  3. Absolutely amazing, thought provoking post and I relate to it.

    I was the highest earner in our household when my now hubby and I got together. It did cause some ego issues and difficult conversations initially. However, being the ‘career woman’ caused me so much stress and I had a mental breakdown last year trying to manage everything.

    I am also ambitious, I will never apologise for it and I want to work for more than just money. I thrive on making progress. Therefore I’m in a dilemma of trying to be a great mum, wife and have my own career. It’s exhausting and I regularly accept help from my hubby and family to get everything done.

    Women are underrated superheroes!!!

    1. Aww absolutely! Thanks for your comment sweetie. Sorry to hear you had a breakdown, sometimes life can be so overwhelming. It sounds like your ambition is supported though so that’s amazing x

  4. Hi Sophie,

    What a great morning! I found your blog through the “Mummy Conquering Anxiety” blog. This was one of the posts she recommended. As a single parent, I was interested in learning about your experience. It sounds like, even though it was a hard decision to make, you showed love to you and your kids by leaving a toxic situation. That takes courage and courage is hard to come by. I can’t say that I can relate to that part of your life, but I can in regards to being a single parent. It’s one of the hardest things, scratch that, it’s THE hardest thing I have ever done, or will likely ever do in my life. But, keeping the safety of you and your kids front of mind is always the goal. Strive for that and everyone will be ok. Thank you for sharing your story.

    ~ Cassie | letsgrowmom.com

    1. Awesome thanks for your comment and welcome hunni thanks for reading my post today. Single parenting is tough but also really rewarding I think. It takes a lot of strength X

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