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So first of all I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year. I am so excited to be celebrating the New Year, with so many changes happening in my life at the moment, it feels good to be happy and positive again.
Today, I am just bursting with creativity but I’m a little restless too if I’m honest. I’m going into the New Year sober. I keep thinking of parties from the past and wild nights that I’ve left behind.
I’m not gonna lie, I’ve partied hard over the years. I am creative after all. I’ve probably seen more than my fair share of parties and nothing makes me more excited than a night where I can let my hair down, be silly and more than likely get myself into trouble, but tonight I have my daughter with me so I decided to go sober.
It will be my first sober New Year’s eve since childhood or due to pregnancy, I’m not pregnant, I just wanted a change. I wanted to start this year different from all the other years, maybe it will make a difference? I want to be in control and not wake up with the awful hangover, the older you get, the worse it gets for sure.
So, I thought it would be fun to do a photoshoot inspired by past nights out and that daft as a brush optimism that I always seem to have to go into the new year.
In my last post, I shared my new year’s resolutions (you can read that here), but one of my resolutions from the previous year was to cut down on drinking- after losing my friend Emilie to alcohol addiction. So you see, it just didn’t feel right drinking tonight, Instead, I’ll just reminisce and sip camomile tea…
Gas Lit Rainbow Flames
I picked up the dirty shot glass,
‘Alright, just one more’, this time,
That one burned with a shiver down my spine,
Tonight is going to be a good one,
Emilie is gonna be there,
As glistening lights flicker in the air,
The night sky’s run crystal clear,
I always drink Vodka, a shot or two,
Tonight it was four, then five,
Then I ran down the hallway,
To the room, I was in before,
I love the way their lips move,
The rumble of the tunes,
I met a guy who travelled to Taiwan,
He asked me to be his muse,
Thick clouds of smoke blurt out,
The excitement in the air,
It’s been months since I had a blowout,
Pass the Rum, ‘we need more wine’,
Julie goes home early this time,
And tuts as I stumble and knock over someone’s cup,
I’m only having a laugh,
It’s not like I’ve drunk too much,
Then that rush comes up and I get wild,
Dancing on the furniture,
Emilie breaks the lampshade,
Then the Chandelier,
We laugh about it quite a lot,
‘Maybe nobody will notice’ she says,
And hides the knob in a cooking pot,
At some point, we lose time,
Or maybe just the plot,
Who cares what time it is anyway,
Outside is still dark,
When the heady sun comes up,
My feet dance along the road,
Emilie, asks why I’ve taken my shoes off,
I say, ‘I can’t feel anything’,
She says ‘you’ve got demons’,
Then we get home and nod off.
Not so Sobriety
I think the last photograph is the most powerful for me here. It kind of sums up that drunken confusion and depression that you get when you’ve drunk too much.
Remember that there’s so much more to life than drinking. Alcoholism affects many, the road to recovery is long.
RIP Emilie, miss you gal, every day.
Thanks for reading,