Self-sabotage is a hot topic right now, and it can manifest itself in many ways, but for me, it stems from a fear of failing. So I’ve been thinking about failure in a new way recently and have been viewing it as an illusion. A mirrored inner-self that’s not a true reflection of who I really am. Like an eclipse of my mind, I am shedding negative thoughts and thinking of positives instead.
I’ve taken some steps towards healing because I was so tired of failing. I felt like a failure all of the time, even when I was succeeding, there was still a part of me that felt like I didn’t deserve it, or that I wasn’t good enough- and I realised that this is not a happy place to be. I even thought that I was making my achievements sound better than they really were at one point, which is kind of ludicrous. There is perfectionism, and then there’s self-sabotage which is on another level.
I’ve written about self-sabotage a little before, but I only really scratched the surface on the topic so I thought today, I would delve a little deeper into the abyss of self-sabotage.
When it comes to self-sabotage it can really cause a lot of damage and seeing as there is a full moon in Scorpio tonight and it’s also an eclipse, (so basically a full moon on steroids), I thought now more than ever seemed like the perfect time to explore the world of self-sabotaging…
An eclipse in Scorpio…
The eclipse in Scorpio tonight, is bringing in some intense pressure to cleanse and purge our lives of unwanted emotional baggage.
The peak of eclipse season is one of an intense emotional clearing of the psyche, it points out to us what’s in a higher alignment with our intuition, and what no longer serves us- on a deeper level.
It will help us to take ownership of our own wants and desires and focuses on us being sociable, whilst also encouraging us to be individuals. There is pressure here to help us understand that being ourselves will encourage us socially.
There are a lot of planets going into retrograde during the second half of the year, so now would be a good time to get some structure and planning in place for the year ahead. If you’re indecisive the universe will give you challenges to test you, so be clear on what it is that you want.
The Scorpio moon could lead us to have delusions. These could manifest in many ways, from nightmares to delusions of expectations, and even make us realise we are out of touch with reality a little.
Of course, it might feel uncomfortable to realise that we have crafted a paranoid delusion of reality, but this is for our own good so that we can let go of emotional obsessions.
You might find yourself feeling self-critical of your creations, or being overly judgemental of the decisions you have made that have led you to this point but don’t be. It’s time to shift an energetic drain on us, that is likely there because of a lack of success…
An obsession with failure
One of my biggest fears and one of my most constant thoughts is an obsession with failure. I am a saboteur who consistently thinks about failure. What I find fascinating about this however is that so many people seem to share this trait.
While it’s possible you might not even know that you have it, it’s quite likely that everyone will be feeling the effects under the Scorpio full moon to some degree.
Something that seems to be springing up everywhere at the moment, is the law of attraction. What you put out there, is what you get back. It’s really starting to gain popularity and honestly, I think that’s because underneath it all, it addresses people’s deep-rooted fear that they will fail.
I’m not denying it works, it has for me because it trains your mind to manifest the good. It focuses on what we do right and sometimes that is all we need to succeed. It’s like counselling for the psyche.
The burden of self-sabotage
Like the 10 of wands in tarot, self-sabotage is a heavy burden. The phrase “you’re your own worst enemy” springs to mind. It can be crushing to self-destruct but it can happen easily.
Self-sabotaging is caused by the anti-self, a harsh inner critic and a warped perception of who we really are. While I’m not a psychologist and I’m sure there are many causes, one thing I do know is the debilitating effects that self-sabotage can have on our day to day lives. I do live with it after all.
Sometimes, we don’t even realise that we are doing it. It’s like there is a part inside of us that has turned against ourselves, that casts doubt on our abilities and puts down our desires.
Changing behaviour is of course really difficult because these thoughts are deeply rooted in our beings, but if you can recognise that you are a self-saboteur, you have at least already made the first step towards separating these thoughts in your mind and that is the first step to regaining your power.
The good news is that while self-sabotage is uncomfortable, it is fixable. If you think you might be a self-saboteur here are some things you can do to break the cycle…
- Identify that you self-sabotage
- Acknowledge what you are lacking
- Practice mindfulness and challenge negative thoughts
- Take action- having regrets is worse than failing
- Journal or blog
- Take your time, change won’t happen overnight
- Don’t compare yourself to others, life is not a race
- Set long term goals
- Practice self-awareness and self-care, be your own best friend
- Feel the fear and do it anyway
- Seek professional help, sometimes talking about things makes it better
Reality isn’t what it seems…
I’ve stepped out into a world of the unknown,
Where dimensions co-exist with each other,
The white-hot sunburns so very brightly,
And the air is dry and arid, like the desert,
Its stubborn glow casts doubt in my mind,
Where I daydream vividly most of the time,
The steps I descended are hot and pinch,
As my toes hit the concrete under them,
Eventually, I take a break, its only right,
Or is it left, I’ve got confused again and
Find myself walking down here once more,
Just like I did before. Suddenly, I begin to
Panic, my feet they run but don’t carry me
Any longer, floating up high, I’m lost again,
Waiting for the rain to wash away this sticky
Heat and soothe my burning two little feet.
Eventually, I see a distant glazed backdrop,
With a tall snowy mountain in the distance,
This is not my fate so I start to walk ahead,
A coral shore before me with golden sand,
But, when I get there the gate is rusted shut,
And it’s encased by a giant tall brick wall,
That stretches twenty feet into the air.
Thanks for reading,