The hazy summer in the UK has been treating us with a blissful spell of flourishing sunshine. The delicate flower petals are in full effect and the sweet scent of citronella candles are attracting wildlife into my garden, from butterflies to bees, I am so appreciative for everything in my life right now and am enjoying being stress free.
Perhaps it is a new phase of my life that has allowed me to slow down and connect with the earth, I think there is something so magical about that connection. I have developed so much more patience this year, than I have ever had and have found therapeutic solace in landscaping my outdoor space.
Sometimes I think about the delicate fragility of earth, like how there’s a whole ecosystem in the ground. It makes me realise I am merely a small piece of an infinite universe and I take a deep breath in and feel grateful to be alive.
But I remember when my life wasn’t like that, I’d smoulder away in kitchens in the blistering heat. I had no time to even notice it was sunny outside. I think I was addicted to stress –and I was more concerned with earing money than enjoying nature. Who had time for that?
I realise now that during all of that time, I was operating in my shadow side, I was ruled by my pride and ego. I wanted to be the top of my game, and I wasn’t going to let someone stand in my way.
I was a caffeinated whirlwind, pushing myself under as much stress as I could get my hands on, because when I’d completed a day, it made me feel good. It made me feel like I’d achieved something- and it was an excuse to have a blow-out whenever I felt like it, in fact, who am I kidding, I felt like I deserved it.
I was selfish and reckless with my body and mind. Often only operating on an hour’s sleep sometimes. Was I pleasant to work with? Almost certainly not. I was a chaotic yo-yo swooping from anger to euphoria, and thriving off stress, drama and conflict.
I only mention this because forcing myself to stop living that way was tough. I was addicted to that constantly being busy thing- and I was extremely good at it. I think one of the hardest parts of changing my entire life was people’s reactions around me.
I’ve said it before, but I really think that the hardest part about change how other people react to it!
The truth is I have no idea why I stopped. I hadn’t lost my passion for what I was doing, I still loved it! There was just something in me that shouted “stop!” I think the stress was just taking it’s toll on me.
It wasn’t easy, it was incredibly frustrating- and when those questions started to come my way from the people around me, it was extremely aggravating, because in all honesty, I just didn’t have an answer. I didn’t know why I was changing my career.
Nothing ever destroyed me. I was the best, I made sure of it and now I felt like I was failing. I’d given up on everything that had taken me years to build, my career, my lifestyle and my reputation. But I realised those things were not important in the end, it just felt like it at the time.
I even started to question myself, “Am I having a breakdown?” But every time I tried to go back to that life something would pull me back.
I just woke up one day and thought there has to be more to life than this and that’s when I started this blog Starting Today. I made it with the intention of challenging people’s lifestyles to make them realise wellness is so much more important than material wealth.
Truly you don’t need much to be happy in this life.
What I love about reading through my past content, particularly the earlier stuff, is that I can see my giant ego still shining through, but recently I’ve started to challenge this within myself.
I understand that for a big portion of my life I was ruled by my shadow side, and this made me a difficult person to be around. It made me behave in ways that now I utterly despise. Sure, I was good at my job but at what cost?
Now I choose to share my transformation in the hope that even if I can get through to one person, then at least I have done something worthwhile on this planet. What I used to hold as achievements now seem completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
Deep down I knew I wasn’t happy, not truly happy. Now I realise that my happiness lay in freedom. What meant more to me than any material wealth was my time. My happiness lay in my ability to live life the way I chose to. Abundance is fruitful.
I love relaxing in the garden, citronella candles are a great addition because they attract wildlife. Watching all the animals can make you realise how beautiful this world really is.
When life gets stressful I like to dig my hands into the earth and feel at one with nature.
My final tip for unwinding in the garden is lighting a fire. This iron cast fire bowl with a stand is ideal for small spaces. There’s nothing more relaxing than feeling the warmth of a fire under a star splattered sky. Getting back to basics is good for your mental health.
Be sure to check out my fire pit tutorial to see how I made a stone circle fire pit.
Thanks for reading, if I can leave you with one thought today, it’s to ask yourself are you addicted to stress and if so, why?
Soph.
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